I need to debunk this statement:

"But there just isn't enough energy in the world to counteract this entropy!"

This was said referring to procrastinating a homework assignment.

A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT!!

Excuse me, but the earth has quite a bit of energy, thank you very much!

A quick search on google for the mass of the earth will tell you that:

mass of Earth = 5.9742 × 10^24 kilograms

Now, remember, e=mc^2, where e is energy, m is mass, and c is a constant (the speed of light).

Now, let's plug in these numbers. energy=(5,974,200,000,000,000,000,000,000)(186,282)^2 = (5,974,200,000,000,000,000,000,000)(34,700,983,524) = 207,310,616,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

Excuse me, but that's a FREAKING lot of energy!
- posted by Andy M @ 8:56 PM

 
I have been asked to prove that my friend Nathan is a Remote Control Car.

Now, here is some background for you about Nathan.

Nathan is a teenager. He has an ego the size of the earth. (Which is HECKA HUGE!!!!! Therefore he has a HECKA HUGE EGO!!!!!) He likes to play the piano.

Next, a couple facts about remote control cars:

Remote control cars run on batteries. They have wheels, which are hooked up to the batteries. There is also a remote control that steers the wheels. You can probably already see how Nathan is rather like a remote control car already. You must understand, however, I'm not proving that he's like one; I'm proving that he is one. But, we must start in the ways they are obviously similar.

So, similarities: They both perform tasks. Nathan plays the piano. The car goes. Got that. They also both have power sources: Batteries for the car; Ego for nathan. It is no exaggeration to say that everything that Nathan does is driven by his ego. Nathan's ego is also like the car's remote control, because it motivates his actions and steers him.

You may be saying, "You did not research this very well, Mr. Andy M, because if Nathan were a remote control car, his ONE ego couldn't take the place of TWO things, namely the Remote Control and the Batteries." Too bad you just said that, because it just made you look stupid, since you overlooked two very important facts:

1) Remote controls HAVE BATTERIES TOO!!!! They are thus inseperable! (This word means that they cannot be seperated or split apart. (Of course, this is not entirely true, you can take the batteries out. But we are discussing FUNCTIONAL remote control cars, and you can not take them out unless you want your car to go straight INTO A DITCH!!!(or another thing that you don't want it to go into)))

2) Nathans ego is HECKA HUGE! It can take the place of FOURTY BILLION different things!! (This number is arbitrary. I haven't really measured it, although I guess I could take the average mass of thigns and the mass of the earth and do some division and figure it out exactly. However, I think this number is rather close.)

More soon...

- posted by Andy M @ 5:14 PM

 
It has come to my attention that I that I failed to show the connection when I mentioned both Walter Polo and Marco Polo's games, Water Polo and Marco Polo, respectively, that both can be played IN WATER IN A POOL. Now, from this it's obvious that Walter Polo passed down a gene to his family of liking water. Now, we can prove that Columbus and Marco Polo were cousins quite simply with this smoking-gun proof: Christopher Columbus, really liked sailing on the WATER (The place where you can play both Water Polo and Marco Polo!). But where did Columbus get the idea to try to sail to India around the Earth the wrong way?? (remember, the europeans thought that the earth was flat and you'd sail off the end of the earth).

It all comes down to this: The Chinese knew all along. They even knew the earth was freaking huge! They had calculated the size of the earth with an intricate clever plot of sun-dials. When Marco Polo explored China, he made good friends with the King/Emperor of the country. Such good friends, in fact, that he let Marco on into a little secret: The Earth Is Round!! Marco was shocked, but being the smart guy that he was, he believed them. Unfortunately, the King/Emperor never actually told Marco Polo how hecka huge the earth was.

So, Marco Polo wrote a letter to his cousin, Christopher Columbus, (this was right before he went off and started his award-winning polo brand of fabric) saying that the Earth was round. Marco Polo couldn't keep a secret in a really really big bucket, this is why he told Columbus the secret that he couldn't keep. An equally-blabber-mouthy relative, Columbus tried to spread the idea, but the dumb europeans wouldn't believe him (The europeans still have a problem with stupidity, although they generally accept that the earth is round. However, they like to take the position that since the universe is so big, the earth is really really small, which is really false, and proves their stupidity)

So, Columbus estimated the size of the earth at about half of that it actually was. So, right when he though he was going to land on India (all the way around the earth), he landed in America (halfway around the earth). He then named it America, which in latin roughly means "Haha! Told you the earth is round!! And it's really big too! Eat that, stupid Europeans, I'm American now! (American wasn't actually part of the word America (otherwise the word America would be like one of those loopy things like when you plug your camera into your tv and point your camera at your tv and it looks like a way huge tunnel, and if you put your hand in front of the camera, it looks like you have a whoooole bunch of hands!), but it's implied in the word.)"

So next time you say America, think how smart you are, and how dumb Europe is! And how big and round the earth is!
- posted by Andy M @ 9:20 PM

 
Once upon a time, there was some guy named Marco Polo. He liked to explore. He was also Christopher Columbus's cousin. You see, they were both explorers, yet there weren't very many people in europe that were explorers. That's because there's lots of coincidences because of the size of europe. But, Marco Polo and Christopher Columbus being cousins was NOT coincidence. They had the same Grandma and Grandpa. The grandpa was Walter Polo, the inventor of the sport Water Polo. (Marco polo would later invent his own game, called Marco Polo, where you close your eyes and listen to find people and tag them. You can play it on a trampoline, or in a pool, or other places.) Walter Polo was married to Polly Polo, who was made fun of all the time because of her dumb name. (She didn't like being made fun of.)

Stay tuned!!
- posted by Andy M @ 9:46 AM

 
So, where is that promised update, you must be asking by now.

Well, it got lost somewhere in the largeness in the world. Allow me to explain.

On friday is the European History AP Test. This means I need to learn all about Europe by then. For those of you who didn't know, Europe is really FREAKING BIG!!!! Now, take the three dimensions of the european world that I need to learn about. That's a lot to learn. But, wait, there's a fourth dimension - TIME. Now, multiply the size of europe by about 600 years. That's a HECKA HUGE amount of europe to learn!!!! Now, I've been looking all over the place for that update, but it's somewhere in that mess of history. So, please be patient as I continue to look for it.

---Your pal,
Andy M
- posted by Andy M @ 7:42 PM

 
Okay, guys, I don't have much time. But I'll give you three quick hints to the question I left you hanging with. These are to further tantalize you for the next post:

*CHINA*
*MARCO POLO*
*HECKA HUGE*

Start those gears a-turnin'. (The gears in your brain)
- posted by Andy M @ 10:10 PM

 
Round? The Earth!?!? Nooo....

You may notice that I ominously ended the last post with the words "The Earth Is Round." This was not just a bit of random information. It was a terrifyingly innovative segue into this post, dealing with the roundness of the earth.

Now, everyone knows that the earth isn't shaped like a perfect soccer ball. And, if they don't, they should, be cause it isn't. The earth is shaped more like a football with the ends squished in. The reason for this is the spin of the earth. (It spins once every 24 hours. This is one day, you may know. One day is equal to one rotation of the earth. Why it was planned so perfectly, I don't know, but anyone can tell: someone's hand is definitely in this. My explanation is God. Yours may be Aliens. Or it might be God. But, the fact is, there's no way that some big bang would have created rotations of the earth that are EXACTLY ONE DAY!!!!)

But, how did we discover that the earth is round? Is it because we looked at it from space? Nooooo; if we thought the earth was flat, we couldn't even be in space! This is mostly because the competition in the space race between russia and AMERICA caused us to be in space (The human race as well as Americans) and that couldn't have happened if America didn't exist. Now America is an interesting topic. We all know who discovered America... the Vikings! But, they forgot to take it over (I know this because I speak English instead of Norwegian. (The Vikings are from Norway; they discovered America by crossing the seas in their great Viking Ships (In Norwegian, that's viking-skips. I saw some of them when I went to Norway and stayed with my dad's friend (Who, by the way, is coming over to visit tonight. (Tonight is the night when I perform at springfest, though, so I hope I'll see him!!! (Then I can say norwegian sounding stuff like "Skall vater ar goo, ja!)))))) Additionally, they forgot to tell anybody else about it. So, it was left up to an adventurous, stalwart young man named Christopher Columbus (No, not the director of Home Alone, Home Alone II (but not home alone 3), Harry Potter, Harry Potter II (but won't be returning for Harry Potter III) and a whole slew of other fantastically clever childrens movies.) from Europe. He got money to get ships to sail around the world to India. The weird thing about this is that Christopher Columbus wanted to get there by sailing the other way!!!

"No way," mocked everyone (even the prominent scientists of the time.), "You can't sail that way and get to India! You'll fall off of the earth!!! Our reasoning for this statement is that we know the Earth is flat. Thus, moron, we mock and scorn you."

Mock and Scorn indeed; what none of them knew was that Columbus wasn't wrong and them right.... THEY were wrong, and Columbus was right. You see, Columbus knew that the Earth was round. We take such things for granted; but at the time, he was persecuted for his beliefs! Somehow, he convinced King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella from Spain to give him some boats and men to sail to India. Their reasoning for this was that Columbus was really annoying; and since they "knew" the earth was flat, they knew it would be the surest way to get rid of him. Imagine their surprise when several months later, Columbus returned with tons and tons of gold legally and honorably appropriated for the glory of Spain! Oh, boy, was EVERYONE SURPRISED!!!!!!! The entire world was changed because of ONE MAN: Christopher Columbus. Long live his name! (Please note that the earth itself did not change. Only the viewpoint of the earth. The earth always was, and always will be, round and hecka huge, no matter what you fool yourself into thinking. As a great thinker once said, "Perspective is everything." Amen to that, brotha' (brother). Amen. (Or sista' (sister) if it was a girl))

But how did Columbus figure out that the earth was round???? Stay tuned for the exciting answer!!!


- posted by Andy M @ 5:51 PM